A world of stone

As you move, packing your stuff, you find sometimes long forgotten things. Old pain perhaps, or even better little treasures. While packing for my new home i find such a little treasure. I knew i have it, i hadn't forgotten about it, but it was hidden. And suddenly it was there, time to rediscover. A little black book, made by my youngest sister Vera containing a poem of her for me and photo's of me from a photoshoot we did in those days. 1980 My God, how young i was.

"Is that you?" my youngest asked me with BIG eyes.

"Yes dear, your mother was young too, long time ago." i replied him. Still young at heart though.

The photo's were taken in the garden of the old medieval house i lived in. A house where wandering ghosts were trying to get our attention.

It was the time i left my parents home to build my own life. That home wasn't a safe home, so i had to move away from it, a confused, shy girl afraid of the big world. It was the time i met my love Jan, also a bit confused but not afraid of anything. I'm happy he's still my life companion.

The house was squated and we lived there with some other youngsters and two old hippie junkies. We didn't have a shower and no toilet. We pissed in a bucket and if we had to, well you know shit happens, then we ran to the shopping mall around the corner to go to the toilet there. At night we shitted in plastic bags. Everyday we went to the swimmimgpool to take a shower.

It wasn't a very happy time. Our days were filled with drugs and madness. And this period ended with serious insanity, but we survived. We moved along to Arnhem, where i went to artschool and a better, happier, creative time began.

A sentimental poem for Monica, to remember friday october 10th 1980.
Words and photographs by Vera croese.

A world of stone

Your back against the wall,

you feel the past but you don't look back.

Your eyes looking down

hoping to find a desired now. 

The blue skies above awaken.

Doors open and you're still hoping

but the shadows of the grey rooftops

shading this desire.
"Mirror mirror in my hand
take me to another land."

Your face is pale
a crack comes to light
while around you the world disappears.

Slowely changing surroundings

white like wings around you

as you escape in a warm red haze.

Because you don't wanna sink

you don't wanna drown

in these walls of the world

as cold as stone.